Normally when I'm not racing much, at least I've been doing fun, interesting training things. Well, I needed a break, so I haven't even been doing that. And I came to the conclusion that without some sort of obsession taking over all your free time, life is pretty boring. What do people DO all day if they have an extra like 8 hours each week? Work more? Oh wait, other people watch tv. We don't have a tv. Maybe I should start knitting.
Rest weeks suck, in my opinion. Some people like them. I recognize that I need to rest to go fast, but beyond that, there is no love between me and my rest weeks. I hate not training. I hate sitting around, knowing that other people are out there working hard, and you're sitting on your butt feeling like your muscles are melting away into nothingness, wondering what normal people do with all that spare time.
It struck me, yesterday, the enormity of what I'm trying to do. I live in Boston. We get maybe three inches of snow each winter? And I'm training to be a pro what? Yeah there is a disconnect somewhere, but for some reason I haven't realized it yet, and I'm still plugging away, ready to wrap up some mediocre results. I should either learn to be happy with what I got or start my excuses list now. I was injured. I was sick. I didn't do enough summer intensity. I rode my bike too much. I don't train enough hours. I don't have the hills to train on. I don't have a team. I don't have the talent. I don't have the genes. I don't have the results. I am a nobody on paper, a nobody with these lofty expectations that can only be shot down and ground into the dirty snow by a herd of other middle of the pack skiers rushing by. I have left that gray area of "an athlete with lots of potential", and I'm moving into masterblaster ranks, where at least I can win age group shit since there aren't any women masters (I apologize to the couple exceptions, you are extraordinary women and I admire you for continuing with this crazy sport). Who will put money into an athlete who has never really shone, in a sport that is slowly dying, in a country where sports are appreciated on tv, not in the big scary outdoor world?
This is why I hate rest weeks. I start thinking.