I looked in the mirror this morning and my face looked old. Tired, lined, dry and pale. I'm too young to feel like this. By the numbers I'm getting plenty of sleep, by the feel, not nearly enough, the alarm is waking me in the mornings instead of the usual method of waking up first and turning it off so Ed can sleep longer. Hard to get out of bed when its cold and the windows aren't properly closed... It was cold this morning, 34 when I left for work, the realization that I was wearing the same layers as I would in late November was sobering. I still feel like summer was just yesterday. I can't figure out why I'm not bouncing in my chair giggling about impending snow - West Yellowstone has snow on the ground already, but I don't feel ready for ski season yet. Maybe its that I don't feel financially stable enough to afford the tickets to the places I want to go race, maybe I'm just too busy chasing other pursuits. Maybe I just haven't done enough intensity yet. This week seems loaded with intensity but light in volume, its a change. Is it too late? Oh the doubts. I'll have to trust the coach.
Orienteering - I am really finding myself caring more and more about that silly sport. I've done it forever, at a recreational level, and then got roped into ski-o and realized I wanted to be good at it - that I had a chance to be much better than genetics will allow in straight skiing. So started doing summer orienteering more seriously, fell in with the CSU crowd (makes them sound like a bunch of serious drug users, whoops), bought an SI card, bought orienteering shoes, wrote some goals for orienteering, and then last weekend I came to the realization that I'd sold my soul - looking at those open woods, my feet started twitching - I just wanted to go run through the woods, in contact with my map, totally in touch with what the paper says about the terrain. I guess its like when you learn to read, you had no idea that being literate would be THIS COOL. Suddenly, I want to be really good at it. I want to be the best. Can I balance these new goals with the older goals set for the ski season? It seems doable. But I also think that working full time, coaching, training full time, sleeping 8-9 hours a night, and racing in three sports is doable, so I don't know if I should listen to what I say. Who says you have to sacrifice?
38 days to West Yellowstone. Suddenly my desire to do rollerski intervals tonight went way, way up.